It is difficult to adopt an abundance mentality when you’ve had a scarcity mentality for so long. One of the most important things to internalize, if you truly want to have an abundance mindset, is outcome independence.
Outcome independence as opposed to outcome dependance is essentially not being emotionally upset if you a certain outcome does not happen. I met up with an old friend over the new year and he told me that our mutual friend owed him a couple hundred dollars and has not paid him for more than 6 months. While we both agreed that our friend conveniently forgetting the debt was extremely irresponsible behaviour on his part, he was rather calm about the whole matter.
When I asked him why he chose not to be more persistent in pursuing the debt, he told me that he was financially stable enough that he wouldn’t lose sleep over a couple hundred bucks. He went on to say that while friendships were more important to him than money, if our friend prioritized going out rather than paying him back as soon as possible, “Well at least now I’ll know what kind of person I’m dealing with.”
This my friends, is true outcome independence and pure gold.
How have I applied this to my life? At the moment I’m dating several women and one of my favourite FBs went back to her home country for the winter break. While I have stayed in contact with her over the past couple of weeks, she hasn’t responded to my phone calls or texts and we haven’t spoken for a week. I know for a fact that her ex-boyfriend is in the same city as her and was texting her previously. One thing I’ve learnt about women over time is that when they love you, they love you, but when they lose interest in you, it’s as if you’re invisible to them. As much as I preach about outcome independence, I am human after all and admittedly, I was a little upset when I realized that there was a very real possibility that she would hook up with ex. After a while, I remembered my friend’s words. While I can’t empirically verify if she did indeed hook up with her ex, she’ll be back in a couple of days time and I will find out what then. While I would prefer a reasonable explanation as to why she’s maintained radio silence, if it does turn out that she hooked up with her ex, then I might get a little upset but “at least I’ll know what kind of person I’m dealing with”
Outcome independence is closely tied to how you’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you have unrealistic expectations. The only outcome we can control is situations solely involving ourselves. When other people are involved, you are only 50% of the equation, thus, it would be unrealistic to expect a certain outcome to occur.