How not to ask for a girl’s phone number

Through experience and having fucked up numerous times, I believe that the only you MUST ask for a girl’s number in person. Regardless of whether you ask for it directly or indirectly, you have to ask for her number in the flesh. Of course, this would not be possible with Tinder, OKcupid or other forms of online dating. Therefore, in this article, we will exclusively be discussing how NOT to ask for a girl’s phone number. If you want to know how to ask for a girl’s number, check out this article.


When I was 19, I was horribly blue pill. I didn’t know how the world worked and constantly had disney fantasies about meeting “The one”, my one and only soul mate. All that nice cringeworthy stuff.

To give you an idea how beta I was. I was dating a girl at that time who treated me with no respect whatsoever. She was bossy and masculine. And yes, we didn’t have sex. We were together almost a year and I wasn’t happy. I told myself that things would eventually get better–we just needed more time together to work out the chinks in our relationship. Things never got better, I just became more and more unhappy. I eventually called her a slut and surprise surprise, she broke up with me while being totally indifferent about it. Anyway, I digress. The point here is that I had the opportunity to dump my abusive ex-girlfriend sooner and trade up for this girl who gave me so many IOIs at the gym, but I didn’t. Not because I didn’t have it in me to cheat on my ex, but because I did not have the balls to go up to this girl AT THE GYM and ask her out. Guess what happened after my breakup?

I continued going to the gym and continued to see gym girl. Gym girl and I continued to exchange glances with each other but I STILL CHOSE TO DO NOTHING. I HAD TERRIBLE APPROACH ANXIETY.

SO what did I do? Well, gym girl had a very exotic name, one of a kind you might say. Me, being my beta self, decided that it would be a good idea to stalk her on social media. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. I would obsessively check her social media to look at her photos, thinking she was the most gorgeous girl I ever laid eyes on. One fine day, I liked one of her photos by accident. I FREAKED OUT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, THIS IS IT. HOW DO I FACE HER AT THE GYM? Several minutes later, she tweets “I see you found my instagram:)” After getting confirmation and validation that eta old me added her on facebook and messaged her with something along the lines of “Hey, I see you at the gym all the time and think you’re really exotic” UGH, fucking kill me now please. Well, I got her number anyway, we went out and made out. Beta old me wanted a relationship with this girl (Who turned out to have borderline personality disorder). Surprise surprise, this girl had daddy issues as well. Needless to say, our very short lived relationship deteriorated so badly, we ended up going to different outlets of the same gym franchise.

You might be wondering then, why should I not stalk her on her social media to get her number?

First, it makes you weak and needy. It signals that you are lack the stomach to go up to a girl and introduce yourself. You don’t have the balls to do it.

Second, using myself as an example, if I had spoken to her in person, I would perhaps have spotted some of the red flags, saving me a lot of pain and oneitis. For this reason, I discourage the use of online dating.


Most guys, especially Asian guys, have this societally programmed notion of romanticism. They’ve brainwashed themselves into thinking that they’ll get extra points for being a “secret admirer”. This cannot be farther from the truth. The reality is that most guys psyche themselves out; most guys fear rejection and would prefer to take the “safe” way out. There’s this innate conflict within them that prevents them from confronting the real possibility of rejection. They think that the world will implode if they get rejected. Really? What’s the worse case scenario if you do get rejected?

To put it another way, would it make a difference if you get rejected in person? Or would it make a difference if you get rejected after you took the trouble to go about this kafkaeseuqe way of asking for her phone number? What other detriment would you  incurred other than a slight bruise to your ego? The short answer, nothing.

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